Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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