Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
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We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
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Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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