Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
