that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
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I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
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He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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