This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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