I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
