The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize