Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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