And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
