doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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