It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
