i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize