Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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