Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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