I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
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she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
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Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.