You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger