i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?