Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
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rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
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Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.