one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
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i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
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Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.