Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
