I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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