Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
