even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
nutella sex= disaster
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
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On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
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It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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