God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
