idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
