just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
