My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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