What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
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How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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