somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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