You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
