have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
