I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize