The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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