dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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