I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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