I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
