Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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