I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
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So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
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There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize