When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
the liver wants what the liver wants
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
