Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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