Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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