You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
