She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
