oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
