Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
