What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just pee around me
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
