thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
