apparently the secret to your success is patron
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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