Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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