I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
