So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
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Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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