We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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