i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
