thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize