You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
