I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
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i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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