Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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