Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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