please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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