we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
