I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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