Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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